CAMP: Days 1-3

I last wrote at the Portland ariport. Almost immediately after logging off I noticed a friend of mine from the school I worked at this past year. Turns out he was coming to camp too AND on all the same flights. So we would venture to and from gates together, check in and then do our own thing. We never sat by each other but it was kind of reassuring to know another person making that journey.
Upon arrival here in Maine 2 people fromt he camp were here to greet us - and all of the other people arriving at that time. After baggage claim the group of about 6 of us piled into the mini van for the 2+ hrs drive to camp, via a grocery store for lunch. It was a nice drive and everyone was fairly chatty and friendly.
Once at camp, I was assigned to a cabin. Now for those of you never at camp before, it is very primative sleeping quarters but has all the necessities. The lay out is great and honestly, very much like all of the horror movies ever made about summer camp - yes! Seriously! But I, of course, LOVE that element of it.
Anyway, that first night we had dinner as a whole group and then played some games and such in the barn - which is a big rec area we all hang out in at night. It was nice ot get to meet some new people but honestly, I can hardly remember any names. Just how I am, but I will learn I am sure.
The first full-day found me beginning lifeguard training. It started with a trek to the lake (muddy, cold but alright) and then a swim across the lake and back. I wasn't scared by the distance or even put off by the outside cold. However, once my body hit the water I felt like I would die! I could hardly catch my breathe and struggled my way across. I was the slowest but I made it. I promptly turned around and swam back. I enjoyed being out in the water but it was a very cifferent experience. Aside from the few times I kayaked or surfed in Hawaii and fell off (which wasn't much) I have NEVER swam in open water of any kind. True a lake isn't really 'open' but it is a heck of a lot more open then a pool. I was a bit freaked. Plus having 'things' rub up against you was a little nerve racking. But again, I managed.
Part of the training was to involved retreival of a weight from a depth of about 12 feet. I was in one of the first groups to go and had NO LUCK finding my weight. My biggest problem was due to the cold my lung just couldn't expand enough for me to get a big enough breathe to submerge for any length of time. After many many minutes of trying I was relieved.
After time at the lake we headed to the pool where I faired a bit better. I feel like my biggest problem is just the simple fact that I haven't really swam in a long time and that I never made good on my desire to practice before arriving at camp. I know me well enough to know I will 'get it' soon and the inner fish inside will come out and I will rock it. But right now I am struggling and it is tough. Plus the heavy gross-factor of being so muddy and wet and cold and dirty is not something I used to at all. All add to my discomfort but I am still utterly determined to do this.
Today found us not swimming since we were pretty much under a storm-like conidition all day. But the great thing for today was that my co-coordinator and I were taken up to the 'house' we will live in this summer with the kids. HOLY CRAP! Talk about roughing it. This place runs on a generator that WE control! And it is very much removed from the world. It will take some major getting used to but I think I will like it after about the 1st week.
It is located basically out on it's own farm area that is actually a property over from the main camp. Apparently there will be 8 girls and 1 boy in our program. I am not used to living in a place like this but I am sure I will adapt, and probably grow to love it. Honestly reminds me of the place my dad lived before he married my mom so that will mean some father-daughter bonding talks across the miles I am sure.

Overall I am adjusting. It is usually pretty easy during the days since I am busy and have lots to do. Almost feels like home. But in the evenings, it can be a bit rough. I start missing my friends, boyfriend, etc and that can be a bit lonely. I run through all sort of "what ifs" about them forgetting me, finding new people to hang with, etc. I know it is silly and foolish but it is the thoughts I have sometimes. Everyone has been really reassuring back home so I am sure that it won't be like that but still, I can't really control my thoughts much on the topic.
I know I will improve once the kids arrive and such. Right now it is a lot of training and I feel like I am just on the outter edge of fitting in. I don't want to 'try too hard' but still don't want to 'sit alone' all the time. It's hard to find the balance.
BUT I know me well enough to know that soon I will be busy and hardly able to think of anything much less sad mopey stuff. Yet right now I am allowing myself this adjustment time. If nothing else I feel it will help me relate better to the homesick kids that I am sure will be under my care. And if it is still rough, well, it is only 2 months. Hell, I am survived worse situations for longer so I can do this. PLUS, I have ALWAYS wanted to do this, so this was and is my choice. I just need to stay positive and focused and NOT let this get me down. It will get easier and better.

Even though I haven't talked to any of the other counselors about this (and won't) I know I am not alone in how I feel. I can tell. Which gives me comfort and makes me feel like I fit in more than I know :o)

thanks for reading and I will update again when I can.

Tiffy -camper!