Music and Dating

I often say there are certain songs that if I was putting together a match.com or eharmony account (no, I am not!) I would quote. They aren't necessarily an 'exact' description of what I want but close enough for government work. So in that vain I decided to post a few here (it may just be one for now but who knows?) I will use () to indact things that aren't entirely true...

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21 Things I Want in a Lover

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds? (essential)
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? (unless for humor and not mean)
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom? (so important!)
Do you see everything as an illusion? (ummm... not needed really)
But enjoy it even though you are not of it? (again... not needed or fully understood)
Are you both masculine and feminine? (masculine is great! but crying is ok. um... don't borrow my clothes often - like my 'girl' clothes)
politically aware? (not super political, please no, but aware of the world around you and open to it is key)
And dont believe in capital punishment? (ummm... I sort of do so as long as you aren't militant either way)

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer (so true! no needed but sometimes preferred. or at least to be traded with other qualities)

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? (so true! not always diving in head-first but sometimes more than just toe-dipping)
are you funny? ala self-deprecating? (with me, you have to have a sense of humor. i do the stupidest things and if you can't laugh then it simply won't work)
like adventure? (we get one life - that we know of - LIVE IT! experience it all at least once, or twice)
and have many formed opinions? (i like this but please don't be so set in your ways that you are unable to have a calm or passionate discussion without fire and brimestone)

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter (we all have a choice)
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever (if it's there it is worth the wait)
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo (i LOVE my tiffy time. even together people need their own lives)
There are no worries and certainly no pressure (pressure-free is how it all should be)
in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow (i try to live that way even when engaged in a relationship. carpe diem - reason it was my first tattoo!)

Are you uninhibited in bed? (necessary)
more than three times a week? Up for being experimental? (absolutely necessary. I could elaborate but I won't here)
are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? (doesn't need to be a job but should believe in helping people)
are you not addicted? (essential. liking a lot is great, encouraged even but going crazy without, yeah no)
...curious and communicative... (very necessary)
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I Want Love

I want love, but it's impossible (totally disagree btw)
A man like me, so irresponsible (woman and i am responsible just a bit free-spirited)
A man like me is dead in places (not really dead just bruised)
Other men feel liberated
I've had love, shot full of holes (true!)
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold (really... who hasn't been there?!)
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart (again, who hasn't?)

But I want love, just a different kind (yep)
I want love, won't break me down (yes please)
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in (yes please)
I want a love, that don't mean a thing (umm... not sure what he means here. i like things to mean things)
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms (well and the other persons too)
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage (i say it's about having matching luggage with someone. and all of mine fits into the overhead compartments nicely. would be nice to find that someone else's does too)
Oh man I've seen so much traffic (ummm... that sounds kind of slutty and i can't say that but i have had life lessons taught through experience)
So bring it on, I've been bruised (who hasn't?)
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth (relatively drama free though would be nice)
I'm ready for the rougher stuff (well... actually some less-rough would be nice)
No sweet romance, I've had enough (actually, i haven't had nearly my quota so i would say this line is not true. but realistic romance is key)
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So those are the songs that come to mind right off. They aren't exact and they aren't entirely accurate. And they aren't requirements or anything like that. But I think that it is important people know what they want. Helps with showing and explaining it to others.

I had said for a while these were songs I often thought of in this context so that is why I wrote this blog. Nothing more, nothing less. Just thought too maybe it would inspire others to use music to find themselves or their loves. But I also hope that people can fully realize how great it is to just be and just be on your own, without all the relationship stuff. I figure until you can be on your own and love yourself you can't love anyone else properly. I don't know if I'd say I love myself but I am slowing dating myself....

Updates and Thoughts

I would love to write an actual blog that reads like a paragraph or something but why? It isn't what you expect anymore is it? May be what you want but then you wouldn't be reading my blog of lists. Infact, maybe I should just change it to that title sometime. Anyway here are the things I have experience, seen, felt and/or realized over the last few weeks - as some of you know, MANY changes recently. Here goes:

* I am REALLY happy.
* My cat (Rocky) and I are back in love and just happy as little clams. We cuddle and he purrs all the time. How sweet is that?
* I am so excited and nervous about summer camp I can barely contain myself.
* I hate coughing. It hurts, it sounds bad and it scares people into thinking you are much worse off than you are. It sucks. But man! It sure is a back work out. I would almost KILL for a massage at this point.
* I think playing music almost constantly now vs having a tv or movie on is so wonderful. Why did I ever stop?
* Singing and karaoke are wonderful things. I knew this but having been doing it every night now for a week it is awesome. Sometimes I'll be glad to have nights off again but overall it has been great!
* I am liking meeting and getting to know new people. It is wonderful to have a way to meet so many and it is an amazing experience to find those with similar interests.
* I know people have their opinions and concerns but I still wish they could say them and then be somewhat supportive. It hurts when you feel you are doing things right for you and others don't. Concern is nice and caring is wonderful but at some point everyone needs to realize that maybe they aren't as good as a judge of things as that individual themselves.
* It feels wierd knowing that I now have a very visible and very large (for me) tattoo on my back. I like it but it's wierd.
* I am not sure if I am spellig wierd right or not. Weird. Wierd. I want to say it is weird but with the whole "i" before "e" thing I change it. I have to say... as a 'teacher' who quotes that rule, I sure don't feel as though it is truthful most of the time. I mean really... I pisses me off. But anyway, how do you spell it? Wierd? Weird? Correct me please....
* Vitamin D is a gift from Heaven. Seriously.
* I think I am blogging to avoid sorting through all of my 'business' crap on my table. Hmmm...
* It is so nice to have some really great guy-friends who I truly feel are brotherly towards me. Of course why are they all named Mike? hmmm...
* My dad is using the inside of their house as an archery range. He stands in the living room and shoots arrows through the living room, past the bedroom, down the hall and into the target wedged into the closet.
* My dad ROCKS!
* My parents little dog keeps going over to my grandparents house (right next door) every morning and won't go home til dark. They have to force him to leave. Dad denies it but I bet it is related to the indoor archery range he has created inside the home. Just thinking...
* My mom has become a great listener and great friend. Seriously. We had some issues there but I think she is really becoming maternal and in that we are getting closer. It's amazing and wonderful.
* I am seriously considering taking some beads down to Saturday Market tomorrow or something and seeing if a vendor wants to buy some. Why not? Worst case they say no but how is that different than me not even asking?
* I really need to get downtown and start planning Waldo. I really need to start recruiting Waldos.
* I added the Staff Page of the camp I am working at on my facebook. I hope they don't read my profile, freak out and tell me not to come. I don't know why I think they would but still.

* I don't know how long any of the things mentioned above (the good stuff) will last but I am truly grateful for however long they stick around. Truly.

Historical Things in My Lifetime

I found myself thinking today about the historical things that have happened during my lifetime and where I was when they happened. This isn't by any means a complete list but simply a cataloging of things that were (or at least I deemed) historical and that I clearly remember. I am sure there will be many things forgotten but here are the things that come to my head first and NOT in chronological order:

* The space shuttle blew up. I remember I was going to Auke Bay Elementary School at the time. I got up early to watch with my parents - it was the first time I could remember it. Sitting there eating oatmeal we cheered when it took off. Then I remember watching it blow up. Our house was silent. I was the first to speak saying, "Is this real?" I don't remember the answer. I do remember being late to school and being the only person in my class who had seen it.

* The planes hitting the towers. I was at home walking out the door when the first one hit. I left listening to the radio the whole way. Since I didn't have a radio at work I stopped at Fred Meyer to buy one. In the electronic section the news was on all 20 TVs. There was a crowd of about 30 people all silently watching. I joined them and listened. That was when the second tower got hit. I just remember we all burst out crying and hugging each other. I don't think any of us were there with people but suddenly we were not alone. It was a sad and yet, oddly comforting and amazing feeling.

* The Berlin Wall coming down. I remember watching the news on TV and being fascinated by it all. This was one of my first political memories. My grandparents got me a puzzle of the wall coming down a few weeks later. It is the only puzzle I have actually ever put together (over about 30 pieces).

* The Iraq War started under Papa Bush. I remember being out at dinner with my dad - my mom was out of town. I remember it because it was rare mom was gone. We were eating Mexican food and talking. Then a murmur went through the restaurant. I remember my dad saying, "I bet we went to war." We ate the rest of the meal tring to listen to the other diners. When we got home we turned on the TV to find that yes, we were at war.

* Ted Bundy was executed. I remember asking my mom if I could stay up to watch. They didn't televise the actual execution but they did show him being walked in and then his body being taken away, in a white hersh. To this day I am still amazed my mom let me stay up and watch that since I was like 14 years old but she did. I remember her cheering. Neither of my parents ever 'told' me about Bundy but I heard of him on the news and then I remember finding everything I could to read about him. I guess you could say from an early age I was fascinated by serial killers and their motivations - but I can't honestly say why.

* Princess Diana is killed. I remember I had just been back from England for a few weeks when this happened. I was house-sitting for my grandparents, they were out of town. So were my parents. In fact, the only person in town was my Aunt Nit, she is from Thailand. I remember it came on the news and I was shocked. Almost immediately the phone rang and it was Nit. She was in tears. Together we were on the phone for about 6 hours watching the news and commenting. This was one of the longest conversations I had had with her at that time. It was also the first real heartfelt conversation too. I remember watching all of the reports and the crime scene and everything. It was horrible. We were both so touched and moved by the events, it was unreal. I cannot say exactly what about Princess Di touched either of us, but it was something. I feel that since that moment on Nit and I have been closer somehow.

* Obama elected President. This is the most recent historical thing I can remember. Though I had taken the morning off work to watch the inauguration on TV I actually overslept and woke up just as his took the oath of office. I remember sitting in my home, alone with my cat on my lap and crying my heart out. It was amazing and powerful. It was the first time in over 10 years that I was truly honored and proud to be an American.

* Ellen comes out. I wasn't a huge watcher of the Ellen Show but being a long-standing fan of her stand-up routine (I watched her during Improv) I tuned in occasionally. I just happened to be watching that night when she 'came out.' True it wasn't a huge surprise to anyone, but still it was a big deal. I couldn't help but smile for her. You go girl! I am proud of anyone who takes the risk to live in truth and honesty vs living a lie. Gay or straight, married or single, we have all lived a lie at one point or another. Be it being with someone you don't love or keeping a secret you think will 'ruin everything.' Anyone who has the strength to stop the lie deserves a HUGE round of applause in my book.

* The Cooney vs Holmes fight. Whether or not this is truly historical is a matter of opinion but to me it was. I remember staying up late with my mom and dad to watch the fight. I was about 8 years old and I remember watching as my parents dodged and weaved and cheered. I don't know if I remember much of the fight but I remember how my parents reacted. Prior to this I had memories of my dad and memories of my mom, but this was the first true memory I had of them both together, enjoying themselves. It was amazing. I can't be sure but I bet that had something to do with my love of Rocky a few months later when my uncle showed me the movie. The love of Rocky and the dream of taking boxing classes has stuck with me ever since. (I haven't boxed yet and would never want to in an actual fight but I would LOVE to take a class or two)

* The Waco Siege. I remember watching on TV as they stormed the compound and then the entire place went up in flame. It was a horrifying to watch but I was intrigued. I couldn't understand how or why people would choose to die over religious beliefs. This is probably what helped feed my interest and fascination with religion and cults.

* The killing of the Oregon City girls. I hadn't been living in Portland very long when this happened. I remember they found the body of the first girl in the garage and immediately 24-hr news coverage began. I was glued to the TV for days watching and waiting. I was crying with the families - even though I had never known these girls. Like the Bundy experience before something about the entire situation moved me. Plus this was in my own town. Coming from a small town in Alaska a crime like this was unreal - which was both fascinating and terrifying. Big cities are so different from small towns.

* The first woman runs for Governor of Alaska - Arliss Strugeleski. I LOVED her. She was strong, bold and Republican. This was a woman that wasn't an idiot. She was my hero. I proudly worked for her campaign in high school. And I met her a number of times - she remembered me. When I grew up I wanted to be just like her (and almost was is seemed). I was crushed when she lost. And to think who was actually elected the first female governor years later turns my stomach. Arliss would have made an excellent Governor.

* Meeting ALL of the past Governors of Alaska. I was in 2nd grade when my mom took me out of school one day to go to the inauguration. It was at the SOB (State Office Building for non-Alaskans) at noon. We watched while the new Governor was sworn in (Sheffield) and give his speech. Then the former Governors formed a line for the new Governor and his cabinet to walk through and shake hands. My mom said I should 'go get in line' to meet the Governor - meaning the line off to the side, behind the press. I didn't hear and/or pay attention to that part. I joined in the line right in between some cabinet members. And there it was on TV me walking down the line shaking hands with all of the Governors. My mom was embarrassed at the other end but proud. I never registered what I did was wrong. Still don't.

These are the first few things I can think of right now. If I can think of others I will add them but these are certainly the really big things. Feel free to respond with your own list of historical things in your lifetime. I bet combined we could cover almost every news-worthy item over the last 30-40 years. What you think?

WTF?!

I have recently decided that some things just get a universal WTF and here they are:

*Rihanna and Chris Brown together again. WTF?! I mean he beat her up. She couldn't perform at the Grammy's and now she has taken him back! I understand this happens in our society and in our world. I know. I don't understand why but I understand that it does. But this a well-know celebrity couple. She is a role model to young girls everywhere. What kind of role model takes back the guy who beat her up?! I'm sorry but if she does take him back and if she doesn't press charges I hope she quickly loses her popularity. Otherwise it is likely young girls will find that kind of behavior allowable. It is sad enough young girls and women already feel that way, they don't need a famous, well-known celebrity showing them that's how it is.
Ladies - if a man hits you he DOESN'T love you. Period.

* Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail. WTF?! I know he isn't a fan and isn't a supporter but the president failing is our country failing. We had a president who failed and look where that left us. I'm sorry but this is just wrong! I didn't support McCain and I passionately disliked Palin but still if they had won I'd be damned if I'd be saying that I hope they fail. This is where the political divide in our country has gone array. Yes, you can dislike someone, hope they don't win but in the end we hsould be united. If Obama fails - doesn't fix the economy, the market continues to fall, etc. - then our entire way-of-life will suffer. It already is suffering. At some point you have to put your own views aside and hope for the greater good of our country. I don't care who is in office, I never have and never will hope 'the president fails.' Rush Limbaugh - WTF?!

* Octuplet mom wants help. WTF?! (I may have expressed a view on this before but still...) She had these babies and was going on all the news showing saying, "I don't want handouts" and now her she is wanting hand outs. WTF?! I know, it's hard. She has like 14 kids. Ok. But she CHOSE to have 8 more. 8 more at once no less! I understand religious views. I understand she wants to be Angelina Jolie. But come on! Would God want all 14 kids to suffer because of the mom's political/religious views? I don't think so. And Angelina Jolie earns $20 million a movie. A MOVIE! With that kind of money she can afford to have 800 kids. Fine. But come on. If you can't afford to care for them, don't have them. Seriously. Octuplet mom... WTF?!

* Reality TV. WTF?! I know a lot of people watch it. I know American Idol, the Bachelor, Survivor are all huge hits. Yes, I get it. But WHY? I mean I have *tried* to watch these shows and I just don't get it. And why are they called reality? They are so not reality. In reality the person who is attacked by the shark doesn't have a TV crew there to chase the shark off. In reality you don't get $100 per good deed. In reality you don't earn a TV show for being an ass to someone less educated than you. Maybe I turn these shows on at the wrong point. Maybe I just have a bad disposition for these things. All I know is everytime I turn these shows on I am slapped in the face with people who I can't for the life of me understand why people watch them week after week. I miss the days of Cosby Show, Golden Girls, I Love Lucy, etc. When it wasn't real. When families stayed together. Couples loved each other as much at the start of their marriage as they did 20 years later. It might not have been real but that was the beauty of it. It took us away from the reality of our lives. Maybe if we had a little more fiction and a little less reality we'd all have a better outlook on life? Just a thought.

Disclaimer - I am NOT trying to be mean or bitchy with this posting. I am simply saying things that I personally don't understand or comprehend. I don't claim to be 100% right on these things or that I a flawless. And I am NOT bitter. I just would like to feel as though we had more happiness and joy in our world than saddness and pain. I think some of these things bring that saddness to the forefront. Not a fact, just an opinion.