I often say there are certain songs that if I was putting together a match.com or eharmony account (no, I am not!) I would quote. They aren't necessarily an 'exact' description of what I want but close enough for government work. So in that vain I decided to post a few here (it may just be one for now but who knows?) I will use () to indact things that aren't entirely true...
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21 Things I Want in a Lover
Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds? (essential)
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? (unless for humor and not mean)
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom? (so important!)
Do you see everything as an illusion? (ummm... not needed really)
But enjoy it even though you are not of it? (again... not needed or fully understood)
Are you both masculine and feminine? (masculine is great! but crying is ok. um... don't borrow my clothes often - like my 'girl' clothes)
politically aware? (not super political, please no, but aware of the world around you and open to it is key)
And dont believe in capital punishment? (ummm... I sort of do so as long as you aren't militant either way)
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer (so true! no needed but sometimes preferred. or at least to be traded with other qualities)
Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? (so true! not always diving in head-first but sometimes more than just toe-dipping)
are you funny? ala self-deprecating? (with me, you have to have a sense of humor. i do the stupidest things and if you can't laugh then it simply won't work)
like adventure? (we get one life - that we know of - LIVE IT! experience it all at least once, or twice)
and have many formed opinions? (i like this but please don't be so set in your ways that you are unable to have a calm or passionate discussion without fire and brimestone)
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter (we all have a choice)
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover
I'm in no hurry I could wait forever (if it's there it is worth the wait)
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo (i LOVE my tiffy time. even together people need their own lives)
There are no worries and certainly no pressure (pressure-free is how it all should be)
in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow (i try to live that way even when engaged in a relationship. carpe diem - reason it was my first tattoo!)
Are you uninhibited in bed? (necessary)
more than three times a week? Up for being experimental? (absolutely necessary. I could elaborate but I won't here)
are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? (doesn't need to be a job but should believe in helping people)
are you not addicted? (essential. liking a lot is great, encouraged even but going crazy without, yeah no)
...curious and communicative... (very necessary)
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I Want Love
I want love, but it's impossible (totally disagree btw)
A man like me, so irresponsible (woman and i am responsible just a bit free-spirited)
A man like me is dead in places (not really dead just bruised)
Other men feel liberated
I've had love, shot full of holes (true!)
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold (really... who hasn't been there?!)
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart (again, who hasn't?)
But I want love, just a different kind (yep)
I want love, won't break me down (yes please)
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in (yes please)
I want a love, that don't mean a thing (umm... not sure what he means here. i like things to mean things)
That's the love I want, I want love
I want love on my own terms (well and the other persons too)
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage (i say it's about having matching luggage with someone. and all of mine fits into the overhead compartments nicely. would be nice to find that someone else's does too)
Oh man I've seen so much traffic (ummm... that sounds kind of slutty and i can't say that but i have had life lessons taught through experience)
So bring it on, I've been bruised (who hasn't?)
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth (relatively drama free though would be nice)
I'm ready for the rougher stuff (well... actually some less-rough would be nice)
No sweet romance, I've had enough (actually, i haven't had nearly my quota so i would say this line is not true. but realistic romance is key)
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So those are the songs that come to mind right off. They aren't exact and they aren't entirely accurate. And they aren't requirements or anything like that. But I think that it is important people know what they want. Helps with showing and explaining it to others.
I had said for a while these were songs I often thought of in this context so that is why I wrote this blog. Nothing more, nothing less. Just thought too maybe it would inspire others to use music to find themselves or their loves. But I also hope that people can fully realize how great it is to just be and just be on your own, without all the relationship stuff. I figure until you can be on your own and love yourself you can't love anyone else properly. I don't know if I'd say I love myself but I am slowing dating myself....
Friday, March 27, 2009
Updates and Thoughts
I would love to write an actual blog that reads like a paragraph or something but why? It isn't what you expect anymore is it? May be what you want but then you wouldn't be reading my blog of lists. Infact, maybe I should just change it to that title sometime. Anyway here are the things I have experience, seen, felt and/or realized over the last few weeks - as some of you know, MANY changes recently. Here goes:
* I am REALLY happy.
* My cat (Rocky) and I are back in love and just happy as little clams. We cuddle and he purrs all the time. How sweet is that?
* I am so excited and nervous about summer camp I can barely contain myself.
* I hate coughing. It hurts, it sounds bad and it scares people into thinking you are much worse off than you are. It sucks. But man! It sure is a back work out. I would almost KILL for a massage at this point.
* I think playing music almost constantly now vs having a tv or movie on is so wonderful. Why did I ever stop?
* Singing and karaoke are wonderful things. I knew this but having been doing it every night now for a week it is awesome. Sometimes I'll be glad to have nights off again but overall it has been great!
* I am liking meeting and getting to know new people. It is wonderful to have a way to meet so many and it is an amazing experience to find those with similar interests.
* I know people have their opinions and concerns but I still wish they could say them and then be somewhat supportive. It hurts when you feel you are doing things right for you and others don't. Concern is nice and caring is wonderful but at some point everyone needs to realize that maybe they aren't as good as a judge of things as that individual themselves.
* It feels wierd knowing that I now have a very visible and very large (for me) tattoo on my back. I like it but it's wierd.
* I am not sure if I am spellig wierd right or not. Weird. Wierd. I want to say it is weird but with the whole "i" before "e" thing I change it. I have to say... as a 'teacher' who quotes that rule, I sure don't feel as though it is truthful most of the time. I mean really... I pisses me off. But anyway, how do you spell it? Wierd? Weird? Correct me please....
* Vitamin D is a gift from Heaven. Seriously.
* I think I am blogging to avoid sorting through all of my 'business' crap on my table. Hmmm...
* It is so nice to have some really great guy-friends who I truly feel are brotherly towards me. Of course why are they all named Mike? hmmm...
* My dad is using the inside of their house as an archery range. He stands in the living room and shoots arrows through the living room, past the bedroom, down the hall and into the target wedged into the closet.
* My dad ROCKS!
* My parents little dog keeps going over to my grandparents house (right next door) every morning and won't go home til dark. They have to force him to leave. Dad denies it but I bet it is related to the indoor archery range he has created inside the home. Just thinking...
* My mom has become a great listener and great friend. Seriously. We had some issues there but I think she is really becoming maternal and in that we are getting closer. It's amazing and wonderful.
* I am seriously considering taking some beads down to Saturday Market tomorrow or something and seeing if a vendor wants to buy some. Why not? Worst case they say no but how is that different than me not even asking?
* I really need to get downtown and start planning Waldo. I really need to start recruiting Waldos.
* I added the Staff Page of the camp I am working at on my facebook. I hope they don't read my profile, freak out and tell me not to come. I don't know why I think they would but still.
* I don't know how long any of the things mentioned above (the good stuff) will last but I am truly grateful for however long they stick around. Truly.
* I am REALLY happy.
* My cat (Rocky) and I are back in love and just happy as little clams. We cuddle and he purrs all the time. How sweet is that?
* I am so excited and nervous about summer camp I can barely contain myself.
* I hate coughing. It hurts, it sounds bad and it scares people into thinking you are much worse off than you are. It sucks. But man! It sure is a back work out. I would almost KILL for a massage at this point.
* I think playing music almost constantly now vs having a tv or movie on is so wonderful. Why did I ever stop?
* Singing and karaoke are wonderful things. I knew this but having been doing it every night now for a week it is awesome. Sometimes I'll be glad to have nights off again but overall it has been great!
* I am liking meeting and getting to know new people. It is wonderful to have a way to meet so many and it is an amazing experience to find those with similar interests.
* I know people have their opinions and concerns but I still wish they could say them and then be somewhat supportive. It hurts when you feel you are doing things right for you and others don't. Concern is nice and caring is wonderful but at some point everyone needs to realize that maybe they aren't as good as a judge of things as that individual themselves.
* It feels wierd knowing that I now have a very visible and very large (for me) tattoo on my back. I like it but it's wierd.
* I am not sure if I am spellig wierd right or not. Weird. Wierd. I want to say it is weird but with the whole "i" before "e" thing I change it. I have to say... as a 'teacher' who quotes that rule, I sure don't feel as though it is truthful most of the time. I mean really... I pisses me off. But anyway, how do you spell it? Wierd? Weird? Correct me please....
* Vitamin D is a gift from Heaven. Seriously.
* I think I am blogging to avoid sorting through all of my 'business' crap on my table. Hmmm...
* It is so nice to have some really great guy-friends who I truly feel are brotherly towards me. Of course why are they all named Mike? hmmm...
* My dad is using the inside of their house as an archery range. He stands in the living room and shoots arrows through the living room, past the bedroom, down the hall and into the target wedged into the closet.
* My dad ROCKS!
* My parents little dog keeps going over to my grandparents house (right next door) every morning and won't go home til dark. They have to force him to leave. Dad denies it but I bet it is related to the indoor archery range he has created inside the home. Just thinking...
* My mom has become a great listener and great friend. Seriously. We had some issues there but I think she is really becoming maternal and in that we are getting closer. It's amazing and wonderful.
* I am seriously considering taking some beads down to Saturday Market tomorrow or something and seeing if a vendor wants to buy some. Why not? Worst case they say no but how is that different than me not even asking?
* I really need to get downtown and start planning Waldo. I really need to start recruiting Waldos.
* I added the Staff Page of the camp I am working at on my facebook. I hope they don't read my profile, freak out and tell me not to come. I don't know why I think they would but still.
* I don't know how long any of the things mentioned above (the good stuff) will last but I am truly grateful for however long they stick around. Truly.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Historical Things in My Lifetime
I found myself thinking today about the historical things that have happened during my lifetime and where I was when they happened. This isn't by any means a complete list but simply a cataloging of things that were (or at least I deemed) historical and that I clearly remember. I am sure there will be many things forgotten but here are the things that come to my head first and NOT in chronological order:
* The space shuttle blew up. I remember I was going to Auke Bay Elementary School at the time. I got up early to watch with my parents - it was the first time I could remember it. Sitting there eating oatmeal we cheered when it took off. Then I remember watching it blow up. Our house was silent. I was the first to speak saying, "Is this real?" I don't remember the answer. I do remember being late to school and being the only person in my class who had seen it.
* The planes hitting the towers. I was at home walking out the door when the first one hit. I left listening to the radio the whole way. Since I didn't have a radio at work I stopped at Fred Meyer to buy one. In the electronic section the news was on all 20 TVs. There was a crowd of about 30 people all silently watching. I joined them and listened. That was when the second tower got hit. I just remember we all burst out crying and hugging each other. I don't think any of us were there with people but suddenly we were not alone. It was a sad and yet, oddly comforting and amazing feeling.
* The Berlin Wall coming down. I remember watching the news on TV and being fascinated by it all. This was one of my first political memories. My grandparents got me a puzzle of the wall coming down a few weeks later. It is the only puzzle I have actually ever put together (over about 30 pieces).
* The Iraq War started under Papa Bush. I remember being out at dinner with my dad - my mom was out of town. I remember it because it was rare mom was gone. We were eating Mexican food and talking. Then a murmur went through the restaurant. I remember my dad saying, "I bet we went to war." We ate the rest of the meal tring to listen to the other diners. When we got home we turned on the TV to find that yes, we were at war.
* Ted Bundy was executed. I remember asking my mom if I could stay up to watch. They didn't televise the actual execution but they did show him being walked in and then his body being taken away, in a white hersh. To this day I am still amazed my mom let me stay up and watch that since I was like 14 years old but she did. I remember her cheering. Neither of my parents ever 'told' me about Bundy but I heard of him on the news and then I remember finding everything I could to read about him. I guess you could say from an early age I was fascinated by serial killers and their motivations - but I can't honestly say why.
* Princess Diana is killed. I remember I had just been back from England for a few weeks when this happened. I was house-sitting for my grandparents, they were out of town. So were my parents. In fact, the only person in town was my Aunt Nit, she is from Thailand. I remember it came on the news and I was shocked. Almost immediately the phone rang and it was Nit. She was in tears. Together we were on the phone for about 6 hours watching the news and commenting. This was one of the longest conversations I had had with her at that time. It was also the first real heartfelt conversation too. I remember watching all of the reports and the crime scene and everything. It was horrible. We were both so touched and moved by the events, it was unreal. I cannot say exactly what about Princess Di touched either of us, but it was something. I feel that since that moment on Nit and I have been closer somehow.
* Obama elected President. This is the most recent historical thing I can remember. Though I had taken the morning off work to watch the inauguration on TV I actually overslept and woke up just as his took the oath of office. I remember sitting in my home, alone with my cat on my lap and crying my heart out. It was amazing and powerful. It was the first time in over 10 years that I was truly honored and proud to be an American.
* Ellen comes out. I wasn't a huge watcher of the Ellen Show but being a long-standing fan of her stand-up routine (I watched her during Improv) I tuned in occasionally. I just happened to be watching that night when she 'came out.' True it wasn't a huge surprise to anyone, but still it was a big deal. I couldn't help but smile for her. You go girl! I am proud of anyone who takes the risk to live in truth and honesty vs living a lie. Gay or straight, married or single, we have all lived a lie at one point or another. Be it being with someone you don't love or keeping a secret you think will 'ruin everything.' Anyone who has the strength to stop the lie deserves a HUGE round of applause in my book.
* The Cooney vs Holmes fight. Whether or not this is truly historical is a matter of opinion but to me it was. I remember staying up late with my mom and dad to watch the fight. I was about 8 years old and I remember watching as my parents dodged and weaved and cheered. I don't know if I remember much of the fight but I remember how my parents reacted. Prior to this I had memories of my dad and memories of my mom, but this was the first true memory I had of them both together, enjoying themselves. It was amazing. I can't be sure but I bet that had something to do with my love of Rocky a few months later when my uncle showed me the movie. The love of Rocky and the dream of taking boxing classes has stuck with me ever since. (I haven't boxed yet and would never want to in an actual fight but I would LOVE to take a class or two)
* The Waco Siege. I remember watching on TV as they stormed the compound and then the entire place went up in flame. It was a horrifying to watch but I was intrigued. I couldn't understand how or why people would choose to die over religious beliefs. This is probably what helped feed my interest and fascination with religion and cults.
* The killing of the Oregon City girls. I hadn't been living in Portland very long when this happened. I remember they found the body of the first girl in the garage and immediately 24-hr news coverage began. I was glued to the TV for days watching and waiting. I was crying with the families - even though I had never known these girls. Like the Bundy experience before something about the entire situation moved me. Plus this was in my own town. Coming from a small town in Alaska a crime like this was unreal - which was both fascinating and terrifying. Big cities are so different from small towns.
* The first woman runs for Governor of Alaska - Arliss Strugeleski. I LOVED her. She was strong, bold and Republican. This was a woman that wasn't an idiot. She was my hero. I proudly worked for her campaign in high school. And I met her a number of times - she remembered me. When I grew up I wanted to be just like her (and almost was is seemed). I was crushed when she lost. And to think who was actually elected the first female governor years later turns my stomach. Arliss would have made an excellent Governor.
* Meeting ALL of the past Governors of Alaska. I was in 2nd grade when my mom took me out of school one day to go to the inauguration. It was at the SOB (State Office Building for non-Alaskans) at noon. We watched while the new Governor was sworn in (Sheffield) and give his speech. Then the former Governors formed a line for the new Governor and his cabinet to walk through and shake hands. My mom said I should 'go get in line' to meet the Governor - meaning the line off to the side, behind the press. I didn't hear and/or pay attention to that part. I joined in the line right in between some cabinet members. And there it was on TV me walking down the line shaking hands with all of the Governors. My mom was embarrassed at the other end but proud. I never registered what I did was wrong. Still don't.
These are the first few things I can think of right now. If I can think of others I will add them but these are certainly the really big things. Feel free to respond with your own list of historical things in your lifetime. I bet combined we could cover almost every news-worthy item over the last 30-40 years. What you think?
* The space shuttle blew up. I remember I was going to Auke Bay Elementary School at the time. I got up early to watch with my parents - it was the first time I could remember it. Sitting there eating oatmeal we cheered when it took off. Then I remember watching it blow up. Our house was silent. I was the first to speak saying, "Is this real?" I don't remember the answer. I do remember being late to school and being the only person in my class who had seen it.
* The planes hitting the towers. I was at home walking out the door when the first one hit. I left listening to the radio the whole way. Since I didn't have a radio at work I stopped at Fred Meyer to buy one. In the electronic section the news was on all 20 TVs. There was a crowd of about 30 people all silently watching. I joined them and listened. That was when the second tower got hit. I just remember we all burst out crying and hugging each other. I don't think any of us were there with people but suddenly we were not alone. It was a sad and yet, oddly comforting and amazing feeling.
* The Berlin Wall coming down. I remember watching the news on TV and being fascinated by it all. This was one of my first political memories. My grandparents got me a puzzle of the wall coming down a few weeks later. It is the only puzzle I have actually ever put together (over about 30 pieces).
* The Iraq War started under Papa Bush. I remember being out at dinner with my dad - my mom was out of town. I remember it because it was rare mom was gone. We were eating Mexican food and talking. Then a murmur went through the restaurant. I remember my dad saying, "I bet we went to war." We ate the rest of the meal tring to listen to the other diners. When we got home we turned on the TV to find that yes, we were at war.
* Ted Bundy was executed. I remember asking my mom if I could stay up to watch. They didn't televise the actual execution but they did show him being walked in and then his body being taken away, in a white hersh. To this day I am still amazed my mom let me stay up and watch that since I was like 14 years old but she did. I remember her cheering. Neither of my parents ever 'told' me about Bundy but I heard of him on the news and then I remember finding everything I could to read about him. I guess you could say from an early age I was fascinated by serial killers and their motivations - but I can't honestly say why.
* Princess Diana is killed. I remember I had just been back from England for a few weeks when this happened. I was house-sitting for my grandparents, they were out of town. So were my parents. In fact, the only person in town was my Aunt Nit, she is from Thailand. I remember it came on the news and I was shocked. Almost immediately the phone rang and it was Nit. She was in tears. Together we were on the phone for about 6 hours watching the news and commenting. This was one of the longest conversations I had had with her at that time. It was also the first real heartfelt conversation too. I remember watching all of the reports and the crime scene and everything. It was horrible. We were both so touched and moved by the events, it was unreal. I cannot say exactly what about Princess Di touched either of us, but it was something. I feel that since that moment on Nit and I have been closer somehow.
* Obama elected President. This is the most recent historical thing I can remember. Though I had taken the morning off work to watch the inauguration on TV I actually overslept and woke up just as his took the oath of office. I remember sitting in my home, alone with my cat on my lap and crying my heart out. It was amazing and powerful. It was the first time in over 10 years that I was truly honored and proud to be an American.
* Ellen comes out. I wasn't a huge watcher of the Ellen Show but being a long-standing fan of her stand-up routine (I watched her during Improv) I tuned in occasionally. I just happened to be watching that night when she 'came out.' True it wasn't a huge surprise to anyone, but still it was a big deal. I couldn't help but smile for her. You go girl! I am proud of anyone who takes the risk to live in truth and honesty vs living a lie. Gay or straight, married or single, we have all lived a lie at one point or another. Be it being with someone you don't love or keeping a secret you think will 'ruin everything.' Anyone who has the strength to stop the lie deserves a HUGE round of applause in my book.
* The Cooney vs Holmes fight. Whether or not this is truly historical is a matter of opinion but to me it was. I remember staying up late with my mom and dad to watch the fight. I was about 8 years old and I remember watching as my parents dodged and weaved and cheered. I don't know if I remember much of the fight but I remember how my parents reacted. Prior to this I had memories of my dad and memories of my mom, but this was the first true memory I had of them both together, enjoying themselves. It was amazing. I can't be sure but I bet that had something to do with my love of Rocky a few months later when my uncle showed me the movie. The love of Rocky and the dream of taking boxing classes has stuck with me ever since. (I haven't boxed yet and would never want to in an actual fight but I would LOVE to take a class or two)
* The Waco Siege. I remember watching on TV as they stormed the compound and then the entire place went up in flame. It was a horrifying to watch but I was intrigued. I couldn't understand how or why people would choose to die over religious beliefs. This is probably what helped feed my interest and fascination with religion and cults.
* The killing of the Oregon City girls. I hadn't been living in Portland very long when this happened. I remember they found the body of the first girl in the garage and immediately 24-hr news coverage began. I was glued to the TV for days watching and waiting. I was crying with the families - even though I had never known these girls. Like the Bundy experience before something about the entire situation moved me. Plus this was in my own town. Coming from a small town in Alaska a crime like this was unreal - which was both fascinating and terrifying. Big cities are so different from small towns.
* The first woman runs for Governor of Alaska - Arliss Strugeleski. I LOVED her. She was strong, bold and Republican. This was a woman that wasn't an idiot. She was my hero. I proudly worked for her campaign in high school. And I met her a number of times - she remembered me. When I grew up I wanted to be just like her (and almost was is seemed). I was crushed when she lost. And to think who was actually elected the first female governor years later turns my stomach. Arliss would have made an excellent Governor.
* Meeting ALL of the past Governors of Alaska. I was in 2nd grade when my mom took me out of school one day to go to the inauguration. It was at the SOB (State Office Building for non-Alaskans) at noon. We watched while the new Governor was sworn in (Sheffield) and give his speech. Then the former Governors formed a line for the new Governor and his cabinet to walk through and shake hands. My mom said I should 'go get in line' to meet the Governor - meaning the line off to the side, behind the press. I didn't hear and/or pay attention to that part. I joined in the line right in between some cabinet members. And there it was on TV me walking down the line shaking hands with all of the Governors. My mom was embarrassed at the other end but proud. I never registered what I did was wrong. Still don't.
These are the first few things I can think of right now. If I can think of others I will add them but these are certainly the really big things. Feel free to respond with your own list of historical things in your lifetime. I bet combined we could cover almost every news-worthy item over the last 30-40 years. What you think?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
WTF?!
I have recently decided that some things just get a universal WTF and here they are:
*Rihanna and Chris Brown together again. WTF?! I mean he beat her up. She couldn't perform at the Grammy's and now she has taken him back! I understand this happens in our society and in our world. I know. I don't understand why but I understand that it does. But this a well-know celebrity couple. She is a role model to young girls everywhere. What kind of role model takes back the guy who beat her up?! I'm sorry but if she does take him back and if she doesn't press charges I hope she quickly loses her popularity. Otherwise it is likely young girls will find that kind of behavior allowable. It is sad enough young girls and women already feel that way, they don't need a famous, well-known celebrity showing them that's how it is.
Ladies - if a man hits you he DOESN'T love you. Period.
* Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail. WTF?! I know he isn't a fan and isn't a supporter but the president failing is our country failing. We had a president who failed and look where that left us. I'm sorry but this is just wrong! I didn't support McCain and I passionately disliked Palin but still if they had won I'd be damned if I'd be saying that I hope they fail. This is where the political divide in our country has gone array. Yes, you can dislike someone, hope they don't win but in the end we hsould be united. If Obama fails - doesn't fix the economy, the market continues to fall, etc. - then our entire way-of-life will suffer. It already is suffering. At some point you have to put your own views aside and hope for the greater good of our country. I don't care who is in office, I never have and never will hope 'the president fails.' Rush Limbaugh - WTF?!
* Octuplet mom wants help. WTF?! (I may have expressed a view on this before but still...) She had these babies and was going on all the news showing saying, "I don't want handouts" and now her she is wanting hand outs. WTF?! I know, it's hard. She has like 14 kids. Ok. But she CHOSE to have 8 more. 8 more at once no less! I understand religious views. I understand she wants to be Angelina Jolie. But come on! Would God want all 14 kids to suffer because of the mom's political/religious views? I don't think so. And Angelina Jolie earns $20 million a movie. A MOVIE! With that kind of money she can afford to have 800 kids. Fine. But come on. If you can't afford to care for them, don't have them. Seriously. Octuplet mom... WTF?!
* Reality TV. WTF?! I know a lot of people watch it. I know American Idol, the Bachelor, Survivor are all huge hits. Yes, I get it. But WHY? I mean I have *tried* to watch these shows and I just don't get it. And why are they called reality? They are so not reality. In reality the person who is attacked by the shark doesn't have a TV crew there to chase the shark off. In reality you don't get $100 per good deed. In reality you don't earn a TV show for being an ass to someone less educated than you. Maybe I turn these shows on at the wrong point. Maybe I just have a bad disposition for these things. All I know is everytime I turn these shows on I am slapped in the face with people who I can't for the life of me understand why people watch them week after week. I miss the days of Cosby Show, Golden Girls, I Love Lucy, etc. When it wasn't real. When families stayed together. Couples loved each other as much at the start of their marriage as they did 20 years later. It might not have been real but that was the beauty of it. It took us away from the reality of our lives. Maybe if we had a little more fiction and a little less reality we'd all have a better outlook on life? Just a thought.
Disclaimer - I am NOT trying to be mean or bitchy with this posting. I am simply saying things that I personally don't understand or comprehend. I don't claim to be 100% right on these things or that I a flawless. And I am NOT bitter. I just would like to feel as though we had more happiness and joy in our world than saddness and pain. I think some of these things bring that saddness to the forefront. Not a fact, just an opinion.
*Rihanna and Chris Brown together again. WTF?! I mean he beat her up. She couldn't perform at the Grammy's and now she has taken him back! I understand this happens in our society and in our world. I know. I don't understand why but I understand that it does. But this a well-know celebrity couple. She is a role model to young girls everywhere. What kind of role model takes back the guy who beat her up?! I'm sorry but if she does take him back and if she doesn't press charges I hope she quickly loses her popularity. Otherwise it is likely young girls will find that kind of behavior allowable. It is sad enough young girls and women already feel that way, they don't need a famous, well-known celebrity showing them that's how it is.
Ladies - if a man hits you he DOESN'T love you. Period.
* Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail. WTF?! I know he isn't a fan and isn't a supporter but the president failing is our country failing. We had a president who failed and look where that left us. I'm sorry but this is just wrong! I didn't support McCain and I passionately disliked Palin but still if they had won I'd be damned if I'd be saying that I hope they fail. This is where the political divide in our country has gone array. Yes, you can dislike someone, hope they don't win but in the end we hsould be united. If Obama fails - doesn't fix the economy, the market continues to fall, etc. - then our entire way-of-life will suffer. It already is suffering. At some point you have to put your own views aside and hope for the greater good of our country. I don't care who is in office, I never have and never will hope 'the president fails.' Rush Limbaugh - WTF?!
* Octuplet mom wants help. WTF?! (I may have expressed a view on this before but still...) She had these babies and was going on all the news showing saying, "I don't want handouts" and now her she is wanting hand outs. WTF?! I know, it's hard. She has like 14 kids. Ok. But she CHOSE to have 8 more. 8 more at once no less! I understand religious views. I understand she wants to be Angelina Jolie. But come on! Would God want all 14 kids to suffer because of the mom's political/religious views? I don't think so. And Angelina Jolie earns $20 million a movie. A MOVIE! With that kind of money she can afford to have 800 kids. Fine. But come on. If you can't afford to care for them, don't have them. Seriously. Octuplet mom... WTF?!
* Reality TV. WTF?! I know a lot of people watch it. I know American Idol, the Bachelor, Survivor are all huge hits. Yes, I get it. But WHY? I mean I have *tried* to watch these shows and I just don't get it. And why are they called reality? They are so not reality. In reality the person who is attacked by the shark doesn't have a TV crew there to chase the shark off. In reality you don't get $100 per good deed. In reality you don't earn a TV show for being an ass to someone less educated than you. Maybe I turn these shows on at the wrong point. Maybe I just have a bad disposition for these things. All I know is everytime I turn these shows on I am slapped in the face with people who I can't for the life of me understand why people watch them week after week. I miss the days of Cosby Show, Golden Girls, I Love Lucy, etc. When it wasn't real. When families stayed together. Couples loved each other as much at the start of their marriage as they did 20 years later. It might not have been real but that was the beauty of it. It took us away from the reality of our lives. Maybe if we had a little more fiction and a little less reality we'd all have a better outlook on life? Just a thought.
Disclaimer - I am NOT trying to be mean or bitchy with this posting. I am simply saying things that I personally don't understand or comprehend. I don't claim to be 100% right on these things or that I a flawless. And I am NOT bitter. I just would like to feel as though we had more happiness and joy in our world than saddness and pain. I think some of these things bring that saddness to the forefront. Not a fact, just an opinion.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I Just Realized...
Recently, I have realized a few things. Some are things I am finally willing to admit, others things I am still embarassed about admitting, and still others are just random silly things that have come to mind will I have been contemplating other things. The list that follows is in no particular order and holds things that are to be taken seriously and not seriously. I will let you decide for yourself what those things are, respectively.
* Justin Timberlake is pretty cool. He is willing to make fun of himself and play around. I am no longer afraid or unwilling to admit that I dig him. Yes, I do.
* I am disgusted that male teachers face harsher sentences than female teachers in cases of student abuse. This is appalling and unsettling.
* I still have wild fantasties of being interviewed by Barbara Walters. I LOVE her specials and want her autobiography more than any other book right now.
* I have a natural skill in making mazes. I have started a 'maze club' in my afterschool program and have about 15 kids who come every week to solve mazes. I made one to just 'try it out' and have realized that my natural ability to solve even the most difficult of mazes quickly has also given me a natural ability to make mazes. I like doing it and plan to make as many of them as I can to have for the kids whenever they want.
* Wall-E is a fantastic movie that EVERYONE should have to watch. To me, it clearly shows what society will one day be like if we don't start making some real changes now - fat people unable ot wlak no their own 2 feet living in space because we screwed up Earth.
* I would describe myself as: the loyalty of Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings; the common sense and luck of Lucille Ball; the vocal range of Melissa Etheridge, Alanis Morrisette and Chrissie Hynde; the political leanings of Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Ghandi and John Lennon; the hair style of Shirley Temple; the dance style of Ellen DeGeneres; and a sense-of-humor that combines Ellen DeGeneres, Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams - without the paycheck and audience. I say these things not in any way praising myself, though I like all of the people I named above. I say these things as a means to explaining why I am sometimes so confused, disorganized, anti-social, stressed, angry, outgoing, upbeat, positive and rarely hold the same mood or temperment for any period of time.
* Through lots of researching, reading and self-discovery I have realized that I am Buddhist. By that I mean I don't even have to 'convert' because I already believe that way, try to act that way and seek out the same things Buddhists do. It's amazing to me that now, after almost 34 years, I have found out what truly am. I have always felt it was the path for me but until recently I never realized how much. Everything I read, discover and learn match up so well with my own values and beliefs virtually no change is needed in my life to 'become' Buddhist. That said, I do plan to do a self-confirming ritual in the near future to make it 'official' in my mind, body and soul, but to my spirit no ritual is necessary.
* I tend to think and write everything as bullet points. It's how I roll. I have realized pretty much every blog I have written has been bullet points of one form or another. I am not sure if it ready well that way or is boring and lame. Either way, its how I do things and I am OK with that for the most part.
* I believe the natural default setting for my body is pescatarian (vegetarian who eats meat). Not sure why but it just feels right for me. I am tired of fighting it and trying to be anything else. My reasons are health related, society related and politically related. For me, those are 3 pretty strong reasons to give up the fight and welcome the veggies and fish.
* If my highschool reunion was right now I would certainly go and have plans to go to the next one. Having found a bunch of people on facebook I have realized that it would be nice to see them and catch up.
* Keeping in mind what I just wrote, it is amazing to me just HOW much I have changed since highschool. I also realize how much other people have changed too. It's all so great!
* Getting an IUD may have been a good call and will help in the long run but it has been one of the most agonizingly painful experiences ever. I hope that goes away soon.
* I have now forgotten other things I have realized and was going to write about. So I have JUST NOW realized I should stop bullet pointing til more comes to me.
* Justin Timberlake is pretty cool. He is willing to make fun of himself and play around. I am no longer afraid or unwilling to admit that I dig him. Yes, I do.
* I am disgusted that male teachers face harsher sentences than female teachers in cases of student abuse. This is appalling and unsettling.
* I still have wild fantasties of being interviewed by Barbara Walters. I LOVE her specials and want her autobiography more than any other book right now.
* I have a natural skill in making mazes. I have started a 'maze club' in my afterschool program and have about 15 kids who come every week to solve mazes. I made one to just 'try it out' and have realized that my natural ability to solve even the most difficult of mazes quickly has also given me a natural ability to make mazes. I like doing it and plan to make as many of them as I can to have for the kids whenever they want.
* Wall-E is a fantastic movie that EVERYONE should have to watch. To me, it clearly shows what society will one day be like if we don't start making some real changes now - fat people unable ot wlak no their own 2 feet living in space because we screwed up Earth.
* I would describe myself as: the loyalty of Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings; the common sense and luck of Lucille Ball; the vocal range of Melissa Etheridge, Alanis Morrisette and Chrissie Hynde; the political leanings of Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Ghandi and John Lennon; the hair style of Shirley Temple; the dance style of Ellen DeGeneres; and a sense-of-humor that combines Ellen DeGeneres, Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams - without the paycheck and audience. I say these things not in any way praising myself, though I like all of the people I named above. I say these things as a means to explaining why I am sometimes so confused, disorganized, anti-social, stressed, angry, outgoing, upbeat, positive and rarely hold the same mood or temperment for any period of time.
* Through lots of researching, reading and self-discovery I have realized that I am Buddhist. By that I mean I don't even have to 'convert' because I already believe that way, try to act that way and seek out the same things Buddhists do. It's amazing to me that now, after almost 34 years, I have found out what truly am. I have always felt it was the path for me but until recently I never realized how much. Everything I read, discover and learn match up so well with my own values and beliefs virtually no change is needed in my life to 'become' Buddhist. That said, I do plan to do a self-confirming ritual in the near future to make it 'official' in my mind, body and soul, but to my spirit no ritual is necessary.
* I tend to think and write everything as bullet points. It's how I roll. I have realized pretty much every blog I have written has been bullet points of one form or another. I am not sure if it ready well that way or is boring and lame. Either way, its how I do things and I am OK with that for the most part.
* I believe the natural default setting for my body is pescatarian (vegetarian who eats meat). Not sure why but it just feels right for me. I am tired of fighting it and trying to be anything else. My reasons are health related, society related and politically related. For me, those are 3 pretty strong reasons to give up the fight and welcome the veggies and fish.
* If my highschool reunion was right now I would certainly go and have plans to go to the next one. Having found a bunch of people on facebook I have realized that it would be nice to see them and catch up.
* Keeping in mind what I just wrote, it is amazing to me just HOW much I have changed since highschool. I also realize how much other people have changed too. It's all so great!
* Getting an IUD may have been a good call and will help in the long run but it has been one of the most agonizingly painful experiences ever. I hope that goes away soon.
* I have now forgotten other things I have realized and was going to write about. So I have JUST NOW realized I should stop bullet pointing til more comes to me.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Getting Fit and Nutrition
I have just spent about an hour this morning reading about nutrition and thought I would share the info here as it's also a way for me to remember it.
* Celery with peanut butter is a good thing as long as it's not a lot of peanut butter
* Hard boiled eggs are good and can give great protein
* Drinking tea is excellent. Green and black teas contain a lot of nutrients and things the body needs and can actually help fight off infections and bacterias in the intestines - but don't add milk
* Looks like excerising at least 20 minutes a day isn't enough really for weight-loss. 30 minutes to an hour would be key
* Changing to a vegeterian diet is good and helpful as long as you make sure that things like protiens and B-12's are coming from somewhere with amounts equal to what you get on non-veggie diets
* Organic peaches, spinach, apples and peppers are a good thing. Buy them organic if possible
* There are a TON of healthy looking and tasting treats out there for under 100 calories
* A corn tortilla with mashed black beans and gaucamole is healthy and looks delicious
I got all of this stuff off of a website called SparkPeople. It is a sort of catch-all diet and health website that has a program where you can trakc you weight-loss progress. I joined about 3 years ago with some friends to track our progress. I never liked using it simply because I didn't spend a lot of time on the internet and found it boring. I still somewhat feel that way but believe in the concept for many other people. The thing I am discovering and that I like is that it is a great resource for articles and information. I always get emails and I never read them but now I think I need to start doing that as I learned so much this morning. There is a lot more but I just can't seem to recall it right now.
I have a goal in 2009 to lose 70 lbs. I know, that's a lot. But it is my goal and I am hoping to achieve it. I have made a whole wall diagram out in my garage where my elliptical machine is showing where I am currently and following a line all the way to the end goal. Every 5 lbs I have placed little cards that on one sided say "5 lbs lost" and on the other side an award "buy a book" or such. My hope is to go through the list and have the insentives help me. I have left a good portion of the later ones blank knowing that I would probably change my mind and such before then so why lock-in anything now. I posted the weight-loss line about a month ago and have been watching it every time I am on the elliptical. Honestly, I haven't gotten one reward yet. I was going well then got sick, then lost motivation with my foot pain. BUT I take responsiblity for it and am going to apply myself harder.
I have decided to try a vegetarian diet as I felt great when I did it before. I will still eat seafood though (Alaskan trumps vegetarian) as it is my favorite thing. And I won't let it interfer with my natural desire to try new things. If I travel to a place where a particular meat dish is the national treasure, I'm going to try it. I may not eat the entire thing, may not take more than a bit or I may down the entire bowl. Either way, I, personally, don't believe I will be any less vegetarian for doing so as new experiences is simply part of who I am and I can't deny it and won't. I am hoping to transition to working out in the mornings vs the evenings this week as I am often busy at nights and/or too tired to exercise. Working out in the morning would mean it gets down regardless of how the rest of my day progresses.
I have no idea if I will be successful or not in this but I hope so. My reasons are no longer based on wanting to look good. That may be a side effect but generally I want to be healthy. I want to have a long, healthy, active, fun life and carrying around extra weight isn't going to help make that happen. A friend of mine told me the other day she looks at it as bowling balls. A bowling ball weighs about 10 lbs, give or take. When she thinks of how many bowling balls she is carrying around..... well you ge the idea. Right now I have 7 extra bowling balls I am carrying around. In the last years I have added some of those and I can honestly say at times I feel all 7. So now it is time that I lose them because I can't even begin to imagine how great it will feel to have my hands free from carrying all those damn balls! Oh the things I could do....
I have no idea who, if anyone, is reading this blog but I am using it for me to express myself and if this helps keep me on tracka nd accountable, then so be it. That, again, is the hope.
* Celery with peanut butter is a good thing as long as it's not a lot of peanut butter
* Hard boiled eggs are good and can give great protein
* Drinking tea is excellent. Green and black teas contain a lot of nutrients and things the body needs and can actually help fight off infections and bacterias in the intestines - but don't add milk
* Looks like excerising at least 20 minutes a day isn't enough really for weight-loss. 30 minutes to an hour would be key
* Changing to a vegeterian diet is good and helpful as long as you make sure that things like protiens and B-12's are coming from somewhere with amounts equal to what you get on non-veggie diets
* Organic peaches, spinach, apples and peppers are a good thing. Buy them organic if possible
* There are a TON of healthy looking and tasting treats out there for under 100 calories
* A corn tortilla with mashed black beans and gaucamole is healthy and looks delicious
I got all of this stuff off of a website called SparkPeople. It is a sort of catch-all diet and health website that has a program where you can trakc you weight-loss progress. I joined about 3 years ago with some friends to track our progress. I never liked using it simply because I didn't spend a lot of time on the internet and found it boring. I still somewhat feel that way but believe in the concept for many other people. The thing I am discovering and that I like is that it is a great resource for articles and information. I always get emails and I never read them but now I think I need to start doing that as I learned so much this morning. There is a lot more but I just can't seem to recall it right now.
I have a goal in 2009 to lose 70 lbs. I know, that's a lot. But it is my goal and I am hoping to achieve it. I have made a whole wall diagram out in my garage where my elliptical machine is showing where I am currently and following a line all the way to the end goal. Every 5 lbs I have placed little cards that on one sided say "5 lbs lost" and on the other side an award "buy a book" or such. My hope is to go through the list and have the insentives help me. I have left a good portion of the later ones blank knowing that I would probably change my mind and such before then so why lock-in anything now. I posted the weight-loss line about a month ago and have been watching it every time I am on the elliptical. Honestly, I haven't gotten one reward yet. I was going well then got sick, then lost motivation with my foot pain. BUT I take responsiblity for it and am going to apply myself harder.
I have decided to try a vegetarian diet as I felt great when I did it before. I will still eat seafood though (Alaskan trumps vegetarian) as it is my favorite thing. And I won't let it interfer with my natural desire to try new things. If I travel to a place where a particular meat dish is the national treasure, I'm going to try it. I may not eat the entire thing, may not take more than a bit or I may down the entire bowl. Either way, I, personally, don't believe I will be any less vegetarian for doing so as new experiences is simply part of who I am and I can't deny it and won't. I am hoping to transition to working out in the mornings vs the evenings this week as I am often busy at nights and/or too tired to exercise. Working out in the morning would mean it gets down regardless of how the rest of my day progresses.
I have no idea if I will be successful or not in this but I hope so. My reasons are no longer based on wanting to look good. That may be a side effect but generally I want to be healthy. I want to have a long, healthy, active, fun life and carrying around extra weight isn't going to help make that happen. A friend of mine told me the other day she looks at it as bowling balls. A bowling ball weighs about 10 lbs, give or take. When she thinks of how many bowling balls she is carrying around..... well you ge the idea. Right now I have 7 extra bowling balls I am carrying around. In the last years I have added some of those and I can honestly say at times I feel all 7. So now it is time that I lose them because I can't even begin to imagine how great it will feel to have my hands free from carrying all those damn balls! Oh the things I could do....
I have no idea who, if anyone, is reading this blog but I am using it for me to express myself and if this helps keep me on tracka nd accountable, then so be it. That, again, is the hope.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
25 More Things About Me
Since I tend to think in bullet points and have actually had quite a lot of experiences in life I realized I could write more things than just the 25 from before. So, here are 25 more things about me....
1) I have bungee jumped and sky dived. I would gladly sky dive again and plan to but I would NEVER bungee jump and I would actually advocate anyone against it. Worst thing I ever did - I have chronic back problems from it and I strained my retina. Horrible. Don't do it!
2) I have a crooked front tooth I got from a playground accident. A friend was swinging and told me to 'come here.' I did and got kicked squarely in the face. Then spun round and landed (open mouthed) onto a big rock. Yes, there was a lot of blood and a lot of pain.
3) Spinning off from #2 I would LOVE to get Invisiline sometime. I *hate* my crooked teeth. Everyone says it is cute and part of my personality and adds character. Well, I would be ok with a little less character.
4) My sophmore year of high school I danced around the gym to the song "I've got the power" by Snap. I was running for Spirit Rep and thought it would show spirit. I lost (probably by a lot). Many classmates remember this and mention it often. I don't mind too much. It wasn't 'embarrassing' in a conventional sense. I could see me doing something similar now actually.
5) Similar to #4, I don't seem to have the usual 'dork' receptors that others have. I do things that can be considered dorky or silly or lame quite often. When I was younger this sometimes prevented me from having friends, I think. I think many people thought I was a dork. As I have gotten older I have tended to feel as if I am not a dork, I just do dorky things. Basically, I am always up for a luahg and willing to do anything to give others a laugh too. Personally, I don't think it makes me dorky, I think it adds character. Maybe that is just what I tell myself....
6) I feel like I can honestly say I have been in love 3 times and that each time it was stronger and more intense than the time before. I don't think it means I wasn't in love with the others but that with each new love, my definition, understanding and ability to love has changed.
7) I study serial killers for fun. I am fascinated by them - how they can do what they do and why.
8) I am moderately obsessed with Howard Hughes and know a great deal about him. I am a recovering germaphobe and can relate to a lot of what he felt and went through. He was a very troubled and interesting person.
9) I LOVE to sing and sing almost everyday. There is nothing that gives me more joy in the world than singing.
10) I often fight the urge to get in the car and just go. Find a new place and start completely fresh, on my own. It isn't that I don't love my friends or want them in my life. It's just that I tend to get a very claustrophobic feeling every so often and literally have to force myself to go home and remain 'here.' I love my friends in Portland so much and my current career path that I doubt I'd ever do it. But I don't ever entirely rule it out.
11) I have raced a fast car in the Portland Adult Soap Box Derby. I actually came in 4th and had the best time. I would be doing it again this year if I weren't going to Maine.
12) I have had the following careers/jobs: lobbyist, legislative aide, tour guide, retail (jewerly store), accountant, research assistant (biochemistry), barista, gardener, activity coordinator and food service. I have no 'need' to have a set career. I have always thought that at the 'end' of my life I would look back and at that point see what I 'was' professionally. I currently work with kids and think that will be the general theme from now on.
13) I have earned money (though never regularly as in a job) for the following things: singing, writing, event coordination, driver, and personal assistant.
14) I used to want to be President of the United States. No joke and I meant it with total sincerity.
15) In a similar vien as #14, I have a drawing in a lock-box that had a timeline of my life and what year and age I would be when I accomplished what goals. I wrote it in middle school. I have done NONE of those things and I am glad.
16) I am very artistic and creative in 3-dimensional space (sewing, knitting, anything with clay, etc.) but lack any real talent in 2-dimensional space. Both of my parents are fantastic artists and can draw anything you want. I can draw stick figures and that is about it.
17) My personal measure of success as to when I feel I will finally have made it is the following: a vehicle (my Scion, a Jeep or a hybrid of some form) witha bicycle on a bike rack, a kayak on top and a dog in the front seat. To me this symbolizes everything I truly want in life - adventure, water and undying loyalty and companionship (mutually).
18) In my ideal world we wouldn't use money but work on a barter and trade system. Money is a necessary evil in my world. I detest it and everything it symbolizes. I don't like how it makes people think or act towards others. I don't like talking about money because I am so against it in principle it is hard for me to relate to people who place a lot of their own worth and value on how much money they have. Honestly, there is NOTHING I find more unappealing in a person than interest in money. Nothing.
19) There is something I only recently learned to do that many people learn to do when they are much younger. I only tried for the first time about a year ago. Since then I have become good at it and now do it often. I will not say what it is in this blog.
20) I feel like I am a runner/athlete trapped in the body of an unfit person. I desperately feel this way and want (almost more than anything) to find the strength, courage and responsibility to make the changes necessary to finally physically be that runner/athlete I know I truly, truly am.
21) I have never gone camping in a tent and really really want to. Thought I would get to this past summer and didn't but still have hope I will sometime, possibly while in Maine. If not, I guess I will buy my own and see what happens.
22) I love kissing. To me, kissing is one of the greatest, most wonderful intimate experiences you can share with someone. I have a total oral fixation that I don't get to express nearly as much as I want. Ideally, I'd like to have some 'make out time' everyday. Kissing that leads no where else but kissing. I find it to be more meaningful and intimate than most others things at times.
23) I love to read and learn new things. There is really nothing that I can think of that I don't want to know about or learn about. Happy things or sad things, good things or bad things - I love to experience life and I love to learn and read about new fascinating topics.
24) I am one degree below a black belt in karate, know how to fence and am a Sharp Shooter by army standards. At one time I could break a board with my hand, wina fencing match in under 5 moves and once shot a 5" circle out of a plastic target making the entire piece fall out behind the target - much to the shock of the other male soldiers and the Drill Sergeant.
25) Though I always wanted to be a mother and have kids, I married someone who never wanted them at all. After 6 1/2 years of being told it would never happen, I gave up. Since I got divorced it took a while but I warmed to the idea and was actually excited that I would someday be able to be a mother. However, as of today, I can't say for certain whether or not I truly want to have kids. For me, it would involve having a stable, healthy, loving relationship beforehand and one that I know would last and/or being completely alone and knowing that I would be doing it all on my own. Either way there are so many things I feel I 'need' before I ever would have kids that right now I am holding off and can't predict with any certainty that I will ever be a mother. Perhaps I will just settle for being a teacher.
Hope this isn't too boring of a list or that I got too long-winded on some of them. I could probably do yet another 25 but who wants to know 75 things about me? Really?! Boring!
1) I have bungee jumped and sky dived. I would gladly sky dive again and plan to but I would NEVER bungee jump and I would actually advocate anyone against it. Worst thing I ever did - I have chronic back problems from it and I strained my retina. Horrible. Don't do it!
2) I have a crooked front tooth I got from a playground accident. A friend was swinging and told me to 'come here.' I did and got kicked squarely in the face. Then spun round and landed (open mouthed) onto a big rock. Yes, there was a lot of blood and a lot of pain.
3) Spinning off from #2 I would LOVE to get Invisiline sometime. I *hate* my crooked teeth. Everyone says it is cute and part of my personality and adds character. Well, I would be ok with a little less character.
4) My sophmore year of high school I danced around the gym to the song "I've got the power" by Snap. I was running for Spirit Rep and thought it would show spirit. I lost (probably by a lot). Many classmates remember this and mention it often. I don't mind too much. It wasn't 'embarrassing' in a conventional sense. I could see me doing something similar now actually.
5) Similar to #4, I don't seem to have the usual 'dork' receptors that others have. I do things that can be considered dorky or silly or lame quite often. When I was younger this sometimes prevented me from having friends, I think. I think many people thought I was a dork. As I have gotten older I have tended to feel as if I am not a dork, I just do dorky things. Basically, I am always up for a luahg and willing to do anything to give others a laugh too. Personally, I don't think it makes me dorky, I think it adds character. Maybe that is just what I tell myself....
6) I feel like I can honestly say I have been in love 3 times and that each time it was stronger and more intense than the time before. I don't think it means I wasn't in love with the others but that with each new love, my definition, understanding and ability to love has changed.
7) I study serial killers for fun. I am fascinated by them - how they can do what they do and why.
8) I am moderately obsessed with Howard Hughes and know a great deal about him. I am a recovering germaphobe and can relate to a lot of what he felt and went through. He was a very troubled and interesting person.
9) I LOVE to sing and sing almost everyday. There is nothing that gives me more joy in the world than singing.
10) I often fight the urge to get in the car and just go. Find a new place and start completely fresh, on my own. It isn't that I don't love my friends or want them in my life. It's just that I tend to get a very claustrophobic feeling every so often and literally have to force myself to go home and remain 'here.' I love my friends in Portland so much and my current career path that I doubt I'd ever do it. But I don't ever entirely rule it out.
11) I have raced a fast car in the Portland Adult Soap Box Derby. I actually came in 4th and had the best time. I would be doing it again this year if I weren't going to Maine.
12) I have had the following careers/jobs: lobbyist, legislative aide, tour guide, retail (jewerly store), accountant, research assistant (biochemistry), barista, gardener, activity coordinator and food service. I have no 'need' to have a set career. I have always thought that at the 'end' of my life I would look back and at that point see what I 'was' professionally. I currently work with kids and think that will be the general theme from now on.
13) I have earned money (though never regularly as in a job) for the following things: singing, writing, event coordination, driver, and personal assistant.
14) I used to want to be President of the United States. No joke and I meant it with total sincerity.
15) In a similar vien as #14, I have a drawing in a lock-box that had a timeline of my life and what year and age I would be when I accomplished what goals. I wrote it in middle school. I have done NONE of those things and I am glad.
16) I am very artistic and creative in 3-dimensional space (sewing, knitting, anything with clay, etc.) but lack any real talent in 2-dimensional space. Both of my parents are fantastic artists and can draw anything you want. I can draw stick figures and that is about it.
17) My personal measure of success as to when I feel I will finally have made it is the following: a vehicle (my Scion, a Jeep or a hybrid of some form) witha bicycle on a bike rack, a kayak on top and a dog in the front seat. To me this symbolizes everything I truly want in life - adventure, water and undying loyalty and companionship (mutually).
18) In my ideal world we wouldn't use money but work on a barter and trade system. Money is a necessary evil in my world. I detest it and everything it symbolizes. I don't like how it makes people think or act towards others. I don't like talking about money because I am so against it in principle it is hard for me to relate to people who place a lot of their own worth and value on how much money they have. Honestly, there is NOTHING I find more unappealing in a person than interest in money. Nothing.
19) There is something I only recently learned to do that many people learn to do when they are much younger. I only tried for the first time about a year ago. Since then I have become good at it and now do it often. I will not say what it is in this blog.
20) I feel like I am a runner/athlete trapped in the body of an unfit person. I desperately feel this way and want (almost more than anything) to find the strength, courage and responsibility to make the changes necessary to finally physically be that runner/athlete I know I truly, truly am.
21) I have never gone camping in a tent and really really want to. Thought I would get to this past summer and didn't but still have hope I will sometime, possibly while in Maine. If not, I guess I will buy my own and see what happens.
22) I love kissing. To me, kissing is one of the greatest, most wonderful intimate experiences you can share with someone. I have a total oral fixation that I don't get to express nearly as much as I want. Ideally, I'd like to have some 'make out time' everyday. Kissing that leads no where else but kissing. I find it to be more meaningful and intimate than most others things at times.
23) I love to read and learn new things. There is really nothing that I can think of that I don't want to know about or learn about. Happy things or sad things, good things or bad things - I love to experience life and I love to learn and read about new fascinating topics.
24) I am one degree below a black belt in karate, know how to fence and am a Sharp Shooter by army standards. At one time I could break a board with my hand, wina fencing match in under 5 moves and once shot a 5" circle out of a plastic target making the entire piece fall out behind the target - much to the shock of the other male soldiers and the Drill Sergeant.
25) Though I always wanted to be a mother and have kids, I married someone who never wanted them at all. After 6 1/2 years of being told it would never happen, I gave up. Since I got divorced it took a while but I warmed to the idea and was actually excited that I would someday be able to be a mother. However, as of today, I can't say for certain whether or not I truly want to have kids. For me, it would involve having a stable, healthy, loving relationship beforehand and one that I know would last and/or being completely alone and knowing that I would be doing it all on my own. Either way there are so many things I feel I 'need' before I ever would have kids that right now I am holding off and can't predict with any certainty that I will ever be a mother. Perhaps I will just settle for being a teacher.
Hope this isn't too boring of a list or that I got too long-winded on some of them. I could probably do yet another 25 but who wants to know 75 things about me? Really?! Boring!
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